Dear Diary:

Our parents’ generation would save hundreds of dollars by staying indoors, but for me, money earned is money meant to be spent. And travelling is an enriching process, in my opinion. It is important for me to see and enjoy what Cambodia doesn’t have yet, while I can improve myself by gaining new insights and meeting new people. Here are a few of my experiences, so enjoy!

February 27th, 2010 (7am): For God’s sake, this is my first self-financed one-week trip! I am going to Malaysia and Singapore along with a female friend. I am practically stomping my feet at the airport, and I can barely hide my excitement in front of on-lookers.

March 5th, 2010: It is glaringly obvious that Singapore is one of the fastest-growing countries in Asia. Many high-rise buildings have started to go up, while immigrants from Asian countries like India and Myanmar are flowing in. I spent the last night strolling along the riverside, where I spotted the little Mer-lion and caught a glimpse of the majestic newly-built casino that looks like three big buildings supporting one gigantic ship. A journalist friend said it cost millions of dollars and will soon attract thousands of foreign visitors a year. Singaporean visitors will have to pay before entering this casino, as the government wants to deter domestic gambling.

Cambodia absolutely has a long way to go to catch up with Malaysia and Singapore in terms of education, development and urban management. People there have a high tolerance for people from other countries. Over the years, foreign investments have come into the countries, bringing their economies upward. A lot of money has poured into building infrastructure, as well. And what I cannot forget is the determined look of Malaysians and Singaporeans that seems to tell the whole story.

I can’t wait to travel again!

February 27, 2009 (5 am): The first thing I notice upon landing in Malaysia is the heat and high humidity. It’s the opposite of my first impression upon arriving in Germany (a school-funded trip) where I had smoke coming out of my mouth. Mind you, I wasn’t actually smoking. The second thing I took notice of was that Malaysia is a very multi-ethnic place, with Malaysians, Chinese and Indians, and a few other Asian nationalities. It took more than 40 minutes for my friend, who I consider my godbrother, to reach me on the other side of Kuala Lumpur. So much for our head start.

February 28th, 2010: This morning we are having breakfast at an Indian restaurant near where we stay, Petalling Jaya, KL. I am amazed that the food, which is decent, is even cheaper than the food in Cambodia.

March 1st, 2010: After driving to Putra Jaya, where the seat of Malaysia’s government is located, and then to Malacca, the third-smallest Malaysian state, we are now eating again. This time it’s Hokkien chicken, rice balls and a foot massage nearby afterwards. Malacca is a colourful area, with so much to see. Malaysia used to be occupied by the Portuguese and Dutch, whose legacies still remain, especially in the architecture. Anyway, if you ever end up here, don’t miss out on the London Eye, which takes you up high to see a spectacular view of KL.

March 2nd, 2010: As a tourist, I did not have a hard time asking people for directions in Malaysia. Almost everyone, including the taxi drivers, speaks good English. What I highly recommend for today is Genting Highlands, dubbed “the city of entertainment”, about one hour’s drive from KL. Known as the Las Vegas of Malaysia, it is built on a mountain peak, so wear a sweater if you want to go. The best way to get there and come back is by the cable car. Genting Highlands has everything, from indoor and outdoor theme parks to casinos. People there told me that the Malaysian government has invested millions of dollars building this up. During my five days in Kuala Lumpur, I had plenty of time to reflect on how far this country has come in transforming itself into a well-organised state. A lot of Cambodians have recently immigrated to Malaysia as labourers or house maids, earning less than US$200 a month on average.

March 4th, 2010: It usually takes 30 minutes to travel from Malaysia to Singapore and vice versa, with plane tickets costing between US$20 and $30. Malaysia has quite a long way to go to catch up with Singapore, where trees and parks have mushroomed over the extraordinarily clean city.

A friend of mine living in Singapore told me that a Singaporean’s annual income will probably rise higher than that of the Japanese. The National University of Singapore (NUS) is amazing to me, with its different blocks of libraries and educational departments. The campus is so huge that students have to almost commute from one block to the other. The preferred transport in Malaysia is a car, while in Singapore it is a bus. “Singaporeans don’t walk anymore,” my friend joked.

March 5th, 2010: It is glaringly obvious that Singapore is one of the fastest-growing countries in Asia. Many high-rise buildings have started to go up, while immigrants from Asian countries like India and Myanmar are flowing in. I spent the last night strolling along the riverside, where I spotted the little Mer-lion and caught a glimpse of the majestic newly-built casino that looks like three big buildings supporting one gigantic ship. A journalist friend said it cost millions of dollars and will soon attract thousands of foreign visitors a year. Singaporean visitors will have to pay before entering this casino, as the government wants to deter domestic gambling.

Cambodia absolutely has a long way to go to catch up with Malaysia and Singapore in terms of education, development and urban management. People there have a high tolerance for people from other countries. Over the years, foreign investments have come into the countries, bringing their economies upward. A lot of money has poured into building infrastructure, as well. And what I cannot forget is the determined look of Malaysians and Singaporeans that seems to tell the whole story.

I can’t wait to travel again!

Related posts:

1. Post for March

And what else, to update you readers, I travelled to two countries in late Feb. I went to Malaysia and Singapore, in a total of seven days with a girlfriend. For God sake, that was my very first time to go on a trip powered by my own pocket money I’ve earnt. I learnt a great deal of who I am and what I am supposed to do after the trip. Wait to read my article about my trip on www.phnompenhpost.com . Followed are some fun photos.

Related posts:

1. What’s happening to “U”?
2. “Students Hack a New Path” on the Phnom Penh Post, March 20, 2009
3. Traveling makes perfect

Like many millions of Cambodians, my parents and their families were “evacuated” from Phnom Penh to the countryside on April 17, 1975, the day the Khmer Rouge took control of Cambodia.

The word ‘evacuation’ means ‘sending people out to a safer place’. Yet, this term was gravely misused by the Khmer Rouge. The regime, known as Democratic Kampuchea, was the beginning of a period of horror. Groups of teenage boys, probably similar in age to my parents at that time, dressed in dark green uniforms and carrying guns, moved house-to-house shouting to people to move out.

When they were removed from the city they were marched into the countryside to work in slave-labour conditions in the rice paddies. The slightest violation of work code or conduct was punished with death.

Over the next three years, eight months and 20 days, while the Khmer Rouge was in power, about 1.7 million Cambodians died of starvation, overwork, and execution. My parents survived but many people they knew – everyone from close relatives and distant cousins to friends and colleagues – unwillingly joined Cambodia’s death row.

My mother is a victim of an unforgettable past. She still carries two deeply painful memories from her experiences of the Khmer Rouge regime.

When the war was almost over, my mother’s father died of hunger. He asked for just two bananas from his skinny and fragile wife before his death. My mother’s cousin also died after being beaten to death for stealing a lump of rice.

Knock at the door of any home in Cambodia and ask if the family lost members during the Khmer Rouge regime and you would be lucky to hear anyone say “no”.

The Khmer Rouge regime treated people like animals. But its legacy is far greater than the number of those who died. Millions of those who survived the Khmer Rouge have suffered life-long trauma as a result of what they experienced. Many from Cambodia’s older generation are mentally ill and yet psychological counseling is rare in a country as poor as Cambodia. Without help, victims can develop post traumatic stress disorder, which can recur regularly throughout life. Their trauma can be transferred to their children.

Before my bedtime as a kid, my mother would tell me stories of her close encounters with death. She could never rest until she had released her stories to me. Each episode is etched in my memory. Luckily for me, rather than feeling traumatised by her stories I have used them as inspiration in my career as a journalist, to keep track of what really happened during this Ultra-Maoist regime.

Yet unfortunately, many young Cambodians from my generation are not very well informed about what really happened between 1975 and 1979. Looking into the school curriculum, the one I studied for 12 years, and knowing what I know now about my country’s history, I can identify a lot of gaps.

We should be teaching our new generations how to analyse Cambodia’s past in an attempt to understand how a regime like the Khmer Rouge could come to power in a once peaceful country. People from my mother’s generation, she is in her late 40s, want recognition and acknowledgment from the next generation that such a regime existed.

But it’s not just acknowledgement from Cambodia’s youth that is needed: the dead and living are waiting to see justice for themselves and their families.

This year marks 30 years since the Khmer Rouge was ousted from power in 1979 and yet to date, no one has been held to account for what happened.

Last week Kang Guek Iev, alias Duch, a former chief of one of the Khmer Rouge’s most notorious prisons, began his initial hearing at a UN-backed court in Phnom Penh. The Extraordinary Chambers in the Courts of Cambodia (ECCC) was established by the United Nations and the Cambodian Government in 2004 to try those most responsible for the Cambodian genocide. The court is a hybrid of international and Cambodian law with five judges in the Pre-trial Chamber – three Cambodian and two international and in the trial chamber with seven judges deciding each case – four Cambodian and three international.

Duch has been charged with war crimes and crimes against humanity and his trial is due to start in March.

It is alleged that more than 14,000 prisoners passed through the S-21 prison that Duch oversaw. They were tortured, starved and kept in shackles – all under the orders of Duch. Only nine prisoners are known to have survived S-21, or Tuol Sleng as it is also known. The rest were trucked to Cheong Ek – The Killing Fields – where they were bludgeoned to death and buried in mass graves.

Although many people could be said to be responsible for crimes and suffering during the Khmer Rouge period, it was decided that the ECCC would try only the regime’s top surviving leaders. Pol Pot – the Khmer Rouge’s former leader and figurehead – died in 1998. Several other senior members, including Ta Mok, nicknamed The Butcher for his brutality, have also passed away.

Instead Duch, as well as four surviving former members of the Khmer Rouge Central committee, now in their 70s and 80s – will be tried.

The accused are Nuon Chea, Brother Number Two and the most senior surviving Khmer Rouge cadre; Ieng Sary, former Minister of Foreign Affairs; Ieng Thirith, former Minister of Social Affairs and Khieu Samphan, former Khmer Rouge head of state, as well as Duch.

Cambodians have many questions about these trials.

As the ECCC has decided to try only the top leaders, this invites much disappointment and complaints from victims. How is it possible that only five people were responsible for the deaths of about 1.7 million innocent Cambodians?

They question whether the court is so selective in its choice of who to try that it is almost meaningless. Many, many other more junior cadres who also committed terrible crimes are exempt from prosecution and live as normal people in Cambodia, often side-by-side with their victims.

Many people believe a second tier of Khmer Rouge should also be tried because they often carried out executions unilaterally and without orders from their superiors. Why did they kill and who was really behind the systematic killing?

Other Cambodians wonder if, after 30 years, a trial is too late to be worthwhile?

At 66, Duch is the youngest of the group to be tried. He’s also the most junior former Khmer Rouge to face trial. The other four are very old and in bad health and yet the ECCC has said it will be another year before any of their cases reach trial. Will they die before they reach the dock?

Many Cambodians are slowly losing hope and faith in this hybrid court.

Since the ECCC was established five years ago there have been many delays caused by a shortage of funds from international donors and allegations of bribery by the staff inside the court as a tactic to achieve promotions.

The first phase, called the “pre-trial chamber”, has cost almost US$60 million. It is an inconceivable amount of money in a country where a school teacher earns only US$20 or US$30 a month.

Many people feel that too much has been spent without enough to show for it and the court is progressing too slowly.

They fear that a huge amount will be spent for an uncertain outcome and nothing will change for average Cambodians who will continue to struggle to achieve the most basic things in life – a roof over their heads, food on the table, education for their children, medical care when they are ill.

Would the money be better spent on caring for the country’s needy or upgrading infrastructure?

There are suggestions the Cambodian government is reticent to see the former Khmer Rouge in the dock for fears it will have a destabilizing influence on the country’s politics. Many former Khmer Rouge members are now senior business and political leaders.

It is situations like this that make people suspicious of the trials.

After the ECCC was established, many people strongly supported trying surviving Khmer Rouge for the crimes committed in the past as a way of delivering justice to those who died.

People believed that by having the court rule against those people, their past suffering would be acknowledged by the next generation. Just as importantly, many believe this would be a warning not to repeat this terrible chapter of history.

But I believe that despite all of these questions it is right to go ahead with the trials.

I hope they will deliver justice to the victims and a sense of closure for those who were left behind with terrible memories of suffering, like my mother.

What’s glaringly obvious is that with or without a trial, no one forgets the death of a family member. But without trials or finding justice that’s been hidden for years, people can never move on.

Perhaps more important is the fact that that crimes without fair trials can create a culture of impunity, and this can only worsen the present fragile state of the Cambodian society.

Therefore, the ECCC plays a very important role, not only locally but also internationally, in setting an example for the whole world which is watching to see if justice can be found in Cambodia.

It’s only until justice for the victims of the Khmer Rouge is delivered that all the Cambodians can be assured that no such regime can ever occur again.

Related posts:

1. Intial Hearing of Duch’s Trial at ECCC
2. I find this AFP article quite funny!!
3. Khmer Rouge Ideology

Related posts:

1. One night at the Heart of Phnom Penh
2. Should Women’s Rights Day Be My Birthday?
3. Stopping people from crying

Accept the truth, and your future will be beautiful.

This sentence was printed on the back of the T-shirt I spotted while riding my bike back home.  A friend of mine says that it sounds very much like a Buddhist saying. Actually, I have accepted some ugly truth entrenched upon me so far. Will my future be bright and beautiful? I don’t know.

Now it always relies on the present, and I hope we can change on time. Spiritually, this word is very nice, but physically, will the world be bright and beautiful? What I have had in my mind at this moment are: global warming/climate change, the Copenhagen summit and what action all the countries in the world will take to curb an apocalypse or a catastrophe from occurring to the earth. This proverb can apply to many things in life whether it’s spiritual, physical or…. you ill it out yourself, please…

Related posts:

1. Climate change project in Cambodia, with kids

No related posts.

a pharmacy in Bonn

It’s been my wish to be seen off by my family members, but now it wasn’t.  Seeing myself parting from them even for awhile to another far-away country was quite a grief. I only wish they were with me now. When I’m not near them, I realize how important it is when they are close to me. They are so dear to me, in a few words I put though I’m shy to say so in person. Seeing my father standing at the airport, my relatives waving good and friends jokingly blowing kisses toward me and my friends made me feel already homesick. But we had to hurry away and got on the plane.

in Bonn

If I had travelled alone, I thought I’d get lost in the airport. There were a lot of security checks and some silly procedures. But everything went fine, and here I was, on the plane to Bangkok. We stopped there and hopped onto another plane to Germany. What a ride on the plane! When the plane was ascending into the sky about 9000 metres above the ground, my stomach was turned around too. It was a pleasant feeling, though. Sleeping and eating on the Boeing plane wasn’t a satisfactory moment at all. The foods were okay, but when I tried to sleep, I couldn’t. I was in the sky for more than 10 hours. When I woke up, it’s always dark outside. My anxiety began and asked me where I was now. I started to fear a little because, you know, I’d heard of many plane crashes before. “Will the plane get through turbulence? Will we all be okay?” I asked myself constantly.

When I got off the plane, I could only thank God repeatedly. My life was never meant to be on plane. But I did have a lot of questions about planes. How could they stay in the sky for too long? I will check out for this question. However, that also reminded me of the Wright Brothers, who kept working hard on it non-stop. Thank you, the Wrights, for your hard work. And thanks to that,  here I am in, Bonn City, Germany.

Bonn City

cathedral in Bonn

After the plane landed at Frankfurt airport, the biggest one in Germany, I heard, someone from DW came and picked us up. I saw many German people, especially youngsters. They appear energetic and serious but smiley. We got on a car and off we went from Frankfurt to Bonn. Oh, how I loved the way down there so so much! It was a very beautiful ride on the car.

maple-like leaves

I remember red, yellow and orange five-pointed or maple-like leaves  (that makes me think of Canada) falling from the trees in front of the car. I was feeling like I was now in another world which I could declare was now my own. I saw many trees with shedding leaves. Some trees didn’t even have leaves at all. That’s funny to me, I thought. From a mile to another, I saw a few factories that were releasing clouds of smoke into the sky, and that’s a have-to-happen short-coming though for a very developed country like Germany?  I just dream for it to be very clean and smoke-free. (sigh)

We drove past very green meadows, gas stations and houses. There were not many people along the street, I remember, yet there was like several crowded neighborhoods down the hill or mountains. I’ve seen all these on TV, but I never thought I ended up looking at them in person. (Don’t feel sad about me, I’m okay.) An example of such a neighbourhood would be like: thousands of beautiful houses on the location/area next to the mountain. Ah, how could they live there? Were there enough things to eat? And wireless connection! Ah ah, I just found myself very yokel-like and yes, quite silly. I should remember that Germany is a country with both modernity and authenticity. That’s to say, no matter what, this country will keep old buildings like cathedrals built centuries ago. How fun to be in such a place? You can feel modern but at the same time go to the past.

behind is the beautiful old building

Bonn City is quite small city, as I was told repeatedly. But my friends and I did get lost for a while. However small it is, there are so many big buildings apartments, department stores and supermarkets/markets. I asked our tour guide why there were many houses but very few people walking on the streets. I arrived on Saturday, and that’s why I couldn’t see more, she said. But she continued with the fact that Germans were very individual and independent people, so one apartment room was occupied by one person. I found this quite fascinating. But I said to one of my friends that I love a huge family and a house for all, rather than a person per room . I was raised to value unionship and family bond, but I don’t judge others for what they do. It was a German’s philosophy to live independently, meet romance and then live independently again. Young people here these days don’t marry early or not at all. But no matter what philosophy, at one point of their life, they will need somebody to be with them and go through good as well as bad times together.

Buildings in Bonn

I think I should let the pictures speak for me, rather than boring you with unnecessary details now.

market

Related posts:

1. Starbucks in Germany
2. How could I trust you more, Cambodia?

I asked myself again and again why life brought me at this crossroad. I really asked if this happened to me? Within an hour, I lost myself. Mind you, I did regret losing it but what I regretted the most was that I lost myself for a while, though I didn’t lose my marble. Therefore, what surprised me the most was that my mother’s words now should be taken into my consideration. “Never make peace with Cambodia,” my mom said, referring to the fact that I should not treat it as a peaceful country like Japan or Australia. But my idea is to make it be like one. Why can’t I?

One day after several hours after running an errand for my teacher, I went to my school as usual, copied several important documents, lied down on a rattan-made-with-sponge-below sofa. I was lying down for nearly 30 minutes, not to mention that I was feeling unnaturally tense. “Why was I feel uneasy about what??,” I wondered. I felt more and more uneasy. I just rushed down upstairs and found my bike nowhere. It was stolen peacefully. One of the neighbours recalled that she saw a car parking by and one of the guys came out and got on my bike. He didn’t even say goodbye to me. How funny!

I didnt’ feel shocked or even cry, but I feel sorry that this organized crime can never be cracked down. It is a petty crime, as some people say, but to needy people, losing such a thing can be a blow to them. I can’t kick ass but if I happen to meet these people, I won’t keep my feet free. These good-for-nothing rich kids are of course GOOD FOR NOTHING. I’m not making a generalization about rich people here. What I can see is that a crime ring of such organized crimes are often rich kids who don’t work but desire to make an awful lot of cash fast. I think they should work their way to the moon if they want to be rich and not work.

Shit happens, I know.

I will always be more careful, but will I ever trust Cambodia again? Let me see.

Where is my bike?

Related posts:

1. My mood changes swiftly—
2. Last night
3. Back to sanity-How can one contribute to social development?

[....You all still need support to become well-rounded, rational and productive citizens -- not just workers. Cambodians have historically categorized by many as one of the laziest peoples in Asia, and if we don't swim against this tide, who would? Foreigners have always looked down on Cambodians' lack of professionalism, punctuality and planning. I know you all will argue, but action speaks louder than words.

Related posts:

1. Who inspires me to name this blog “Inside My Heart”?
2. Ice/Glacier To Disappear from North Pole
3. Politics you view in this world

It’s been almost three years I have been maintaining this blog. I have felt somehow very closely connected to this blog. It’s been my sister or brother, whatever cool name I can give to it.

For new readers from University of Flensburg, Germany, you may not know about me quite well yet. My name is Kounila (first name) Keo (family name). I turned 21 years old this March. Well, I am feeling just like 20 years old. What else could be better? I am nowadays a third year student of Media and Communication at the Royal University of Phnom Penh. At home, I have three sisters and one brother. I have a lot of friends at my university. Most of my friends are funny, hard-working but sometimes quite annoying. Well, this happens. Media in Cambodia are still a big concern but these students of media are perseverant to get this big ball rolling, I feel.

Related posts:

1. “Students Hack a New Path” on the Phnom Penh Post, March 20, 2009
2. Uh uh, about me?
3. German skills I got…